99% of the pain of life, from against themselves

1% switched 99% of life change.01 We Throughout his life, are busy pursuing the love of others, recognition and appreciation: parental care, gentle lover, the boss thinks highly of.In pursuit of these relationships on the road, we pay all the efforts, full of longing, stumbled.But it did not, most people are detours, and therefore often suffer, in her distress.Relationships with others, has always been our common ancient source of anxiety.Byron Katie in “second thoughts” that, very often, we are trapped in relationships, because the search for love and recognition of the way we have been learned, will ultimately lead to disappointment.She believes that a pain, it really is your idea of how to get along with their idea, not only is everything in your life, you will decide how to get along with others.Byron Katie had to experience how pain is generated and the end of thirty years old, she suffered from severe depression, worse.Until one day, she suddenly awareness, she was a source of pain, she is convinced that “My husband should love me a little, my children should be more grateful to me a little,” the idea.And when she did not believe these thoughts, she found a calm heart.She found that depression is not caused by their own world, but her view of the world.Its desperate attempt to change the world to meet their own, it is better to question these ideas, accept the reality, to experience unprecedented freedom and powerful.Read a Buddha, a study into the magic.Then we learned to unlock the search for love, acceptance and appreciation of the knot, to live a complete, internal tranquility of their own.02 We often say trust your instincts, but I wonder if this is the first step on a detour.We always believe that easily, but the error may not be real idea of self-imagined.There is such a news: Before double eleven, the girls looked a month, ready to buy something Add to Cart.One night, the girls see the cart all been cleared, that is her boyfriend to do, very angry, to break.But back home the next day, the girls saw the home is filled with Express, a boyfriend and left a note to the effect that: give her empty cart in fact use their account to buy.Wanted to give her a surprise, I did not expect trouble like this.Composite girls seeking an apology to her boyfriend, the boys did not agree.Girls feel the pain: If you love yourself, not on the potential down the steps you should?Boyfriend is not taking advantage of this opportunity to break up, is not someone outside?In love, people always worry about the outcome, fall into a quarrel, in the cycle of pain.In front of the girls, her boyfriend at the time that empty your shopping cart, do not listen to explain, convinced that her boyfriend ill, not to think about whether there are other possible; when demand complex that lovers do not love yourself, or otherwise New love.She caught these negative thoughts, thoughts become slaves.A lot of people, too, if you feel disappointed with the other half of the performance, the first guess is that their performance is not bad?The other is not do not love yourself?So unhappy.In this regard, Byron Katie suggested that we first need to do is ask yourself, is it true idea?We really do not you?Lovers really do not love yourself?The answer is not sure, you just read the self-torture is unnecessary to perform.Try reversing your idea, the reverse is not good enough you have done well, so get rid of the self-blame and tension.The lover is not good enough to let you down, there should be inverted to other reasons, I can forgive, do not be affected thereby, grief.Byron Katie said: “Either believe those thoughts, those thoughts or doubts.While the latter is a more merciful option.”03 For most people, the idea of love and acceptance of others is deeply rooted win, and put in all our energy.”Memories of a lifetime pine nuts”, pine nuts childhood lack of adequate care, grew up without the feeling of being recognized.In order to fill the gaps in our inner, continue to please everyone she met, in exchange for favors from others and recognition.Pine nuts to their life values based on the affirmation of others, need to be above others, to pay all of their own, but can not avoid the fate of his own confused black and blue.In finding the love and acceptance of, pine nuts wrong not to love yourself, do not believe their value, lost their pursuit, will not be able to convince others to love yourself.To some extent, we and pine nuts, like others in pursuit of recognition, to attract the attention of others, to others a good impression, even unconsciously, to please others.We are so eager to show themselves, and even create their own may not be a real appearance of the image.The approach we take for granted, can not let you achieve the goal, it will only make you lose the real you, flies are not happy, others a frown of action can ruin your day.We personally built a cage for their own, the idea became a prisoner.Truly the liberation of body and mind, then we would need the approval of others want to get yourself from the curse freed.Good to ask yourself: “Do you really need to get the approval of others do?”Find the real needs of your heart.Next, the “need to be recognized by others” inverts “I need to get my own recognition.”.Accept true to yourself, learn to love yourself, live for yourself.With the changes in your idea, not deliberately seeking to be recognized, to get along with others will naturally relaxed, thereby establishing intimate relationships.Never place their hopes on other people, because in addition to yourself, no one can save you.04 Many root of the problem is that we always think the worse things, and finds himself obsessed with the idea of eventually missed the truth.There is a story is this: a child in his hand two apples, Mom asked whether the child can share with his a.The child looked at the mother, the two apples each bite.Mom’s heart suddenly plunged into loss, but did not say what endured.After chewing child, her mother handed to left Apple, he said: This is the sweetest, mom.We usually have to see things in perspective an established, but ignored a lot of our ideas really just the idea of.You understand the truth, often just an idea without questioning.Everything mind is your own projection, he is said to own illusion.Think carefully about whether you can trust the idea of whether there are other possible, in turn, seriously consider this idea.He switched between, is another possibility.Byron Katie mentioned, can be applied to four questions and a reversal: this really the case?Are you sure this really the case?When you believe in this idea, how would you react?If you do not have that idea, what would you do?Then turn that idea.As you practice more, you will find exactly what caused you pain you believe these thoughts, they hinder you really want to find life.Zhang Defen said: Nothing can cause psychological suffering.Pain from your interpretation of things.05 ancient saying: line has not, introspection.We often ask others to their own standards, feel that others should not do, what to do.And when you learn not to ask others to their way of life, learn to focus on yourself, you can live a relaxed.Thoreau said: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams of travel, hard work his longing for life, he can get success unexpected in common.I hope you life’s work, and his loved.Want to have, are not relieved.Author: gourd monk, intensive creative life such as Inner Challenge, I am also a pedestrian.Suppose you want to read more articles gourd monk: the depth of your work, determines your future you can go far, look at your business to know the inverse of economic independence, is one of the greatest confidence you grow up is life’s it?Why you knew, but can not?Why every day, be sure to write something?You put life when sprinting or marathon?This 400 concept makes you smarter, you have mastered a few?Message courteous thumbs today the number of messages the first one, the king presented Intensive “Growth Dictionary” for using the equity a month (not duplicate gift).↓ quiz your knowledge of what is defective?